Today marks the second anniversary of my precious dog, Shadow’s, untimely death. On this day two years ago, I held Shadow in my arms as he stared into my eyes as his final breath left his body.
I held his limp body in my weary arms because I didn’t want to let him go. His death was sudden due to what turned out to be congestive heart failure. He was finally doing better after suffering acute respiratory failure a few short months earlier. BAM! It hit again and there was nothing that could save his life.
As my husband and I made the decision any pet parent dreads, we knew there was no other choice. We couldn’t allow him to suffer. Had we not done the right thing, Shadow would have suffered a horrific death.
Despite two years that have passed since then, I still miss my Shadow so very much. Please, don’t get me wrong, I miss all of my pets equally. I have a special bond with each of my pets/”kids.”
I don’t know if my father’s death only five months earlier along with my husband’s serious illness directly after my dad’s death created a greater impact on me about Shadow’s death or not. I encountered something similar when my dog, Lady, died years earlier.
My sister, Teresa, had been diagnosed with colon cancer and died five months after my sweet girl’s unexpected death. Once again, it was an extremely painful time for me.
Does Shadow’s death seem more painful because it had been awhile since a dog of mine had died?
I’ve lost a beloved bird, Tweety, since Shadow’s death which I also took very hard.
I don’t have the answers but this much I do know. Grief knows no boundaries. No time limits. They say there are five stages of grief from shock to acceptance.
I always accepted Shadow’s death from the beginning. I never thought he would return. That’s why his death or any pet’s death is excruciatingly painful for me. Only months after Shadow died, his best friend/brother and mine, Jazz, was diagnosed with deadly melanoma in his mouth.
If dealing with Shadow’s death wasn’t painful enough, now I was forced to deal with this deadly form of cancer that invaded my other dog. Jazz was lucky and has been cancer-free since having surgery, receiving radiation and the melanoma vaccine.
Stages or no stages of grief, I dealt with Shadow’s death in my own way. How does one deal with so much sadness in a short amount of time?
For me, I talk and write about him. Shadow was plagued with multiple health problems throughout his life. He had a collapsing trachea that caused him to cough and gag uncontrollably at times. He would struggle to get his breath and would crawl over to me as he dealt with one of his spells. All I could do was speak calmly and comfort him as it gradually subsided. And it always did.
He had to have surgery on his knee because it became locked and he couldn’t walk. He also had a growth removed from his side at the same time. When he came home, our boy’s side was shaved bald as was his leg. Plus, he wore an e-collar which he didn’t like. He could rely on my husband to carry him to his bathroom spots as he recuperated. Once he healed, his gray hair turned to a dark shade of black. He also bounced back to his original, funny, energetic self.
Shadow didn’t allow anything to stand in his way of being this great dog. Despite have repeated bouts of lyme disease that caused him to be very ill, you just couldn’t keep him down once he was well. His allergies didn’t stop him from wanting to do anything either.
His resilience was amazing. He was the best at receiving injections or giving blood. He allowed veterinarians to do anything to him with no complaints. He literally would stand and not flinch as a needle entered his leg.
It seemed we were always taking him to the vet for something. His enlarged heart pushed on his collapsing trachea but that didn’t stop him from playing. He loved to run and play with Jazz.
I think that’s why I feel on that fateful day two years ago when he took him to the vet one last time, I felt it was another appointment where we would try to fix him.
I knew in my heart the truth as we waited in our car together as my husband walked inside. As Shadow struggled to breathe, he still wanted some food. We finished our time together as we started.
Alone and together. From the beginning, when I first saw him at the shelter, I told him I will always have his back and he knew it. This scared dog who was abandoned needed that security in his life. With that security, Shadow blossomed into one of the most intelligent dogs I’ve ever had. We both knew the end had to come but our relationship didn’t have to end.
And it hasn’t. Our bond has trascended death. Shadow may not be here but our journey isn’t over.
I hope everyone has a “Shadow” in his/her life. One who doesn’t allow anything to stop him no matter what the circumstances.
Shadow, I carry you in my heart. Our journey continues. I love you. You may be gone but you will never be forgotten.
Pets make life worth living to me. They are the joy in my life. Without them, my life would be so empty. I love my family but my pets give me the type of love only a pet can give. Thank God for pets!
I miss my dogs who have passed on. They are my children in addition to my human children. It’s never easy to lose a pet. Even though they don’t have a long life span, their time on earth is equally as important as anyone else. I never forget any pet I’ve had no matter how long they lived. All have a special place in my heart.
I feel the same. I miss my babies so much!! I wish they lived longer.
I don’t know if I can ever over the loss of my dog. It’s been over a year and it still hurts just like it did when she first died. Does the pain ever go away? She was very special and provided me with unconditional love that I needed while dealing with cancer. Friends and family left my side and she never did and now she’s gone. I felt so fortunate to have her and now feel so empty without her. The pain of not having her is insurmountable. I wish she was still here. She showed me love when people failed.
I am an older woman who can no longer take losing a pet. It’s just too painful for me. Living alone and losing a pet without support is too much for me to handle. I’ve loved quite a few pets in my life and they were my best friends. I know of what you speak.
Pet loss for many is similar to losing a human relative. The grief is the same for many. We shouldn’t feel bad for feeling the loss for our pets. Sometimes, our pets give us more love than our families do. There is also no time limit on grief.
Shadow will live on forever in your heart. He’s always with you.
I’m sorry for your loss. I empathize with you. It doens’t matter how much time has gone by, it hurts. Time does help to heal.
🙁
Man, I hear you. I miss my dogs so much too. Reading what you wrote brings back alot of memories. Dogs are special creatures from God. They give us unconditional love and ask for nothing in return.
my sympathies
I understand how you feel. I miss my dog who died two years ago. She was my baby. I think there are some pets that are so special and we never fully recover from their deaths. I only think other people who feel the same way are able to relate. It’s painful to lose a pet. Remember, they live in your memories and in your heart. No one can take that away from you.
I get where you’re coming from. My pets are my children. Many friends don’t understand why I feel like I do but I don’t care. My pets provide unconditionl love that I can’t get from people. I have people friends but prefer animal buddies.
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I miss my baby so much. I still cry. She was my everything. I know she isn’t suffering but it still hurts. My friends don’t understand. A lot feel I should move on. I have moved on but the pain is there every day. I empathize with you, Tina.
I Googled “missing my shadow ” and your blog popped up.
Yesterday at 5:15am, my ‘shadow’, my dear sweet Molly kitty took her last breath while cradled to my chest. She was old and infirmed. We knew her time was coming and we helped her as much as we could. I am just gutted and heartbroken.
Your words ring true…. I know I’ll get on with things in time.
But right now….my world feels dark and lonesome without my faithful companion of all these years…
Mama misses you sweet girl…..
Great article.